1. Don't expect things will just happen for you. Even modest achievements require extraordinary patience and determination. An Oscar? A Pulitzer? And a Nobel? Really? How about you start by making sure you shower every day.
2. Living according to an ideology requires sacrifice, including eventually sacrificing the ideology.
3. Don't paint the living room canary yellow and burgundy.
4. You will eventually care less what people think about you and more about how you make them feel.
5. Clever and intelligent are not the same thing. You are neither.
6. Enjoy the 1990s.
7. Medically speaking, you are the correct body weight. From here you will lose thirty pounds and gain seventy. Through it all you will still feel fat.
8. Listen more (see point 4).
9. You can't actually grow a beard yet. Stop trying.
10. Moderation is important: especially when mixing valium and alcohol.